April Commentary on Boundaries

Do you have trouble knowing what your part is in a given action and what part belongs to someone else?

When we cross over into the energy field of another’s responsibility and start to do their thinking for them, we are blurring the lines between our own patch and theirs.

This overlay of behaviours brings consequences.

Actions that were never ours to carry out in the first place can influence and alter the character of the other person when we step in where we are not needed.

What is good and beneficial for another’s development may often appear as hardship and struggle to an onlooker and the desire to rescue that person may arise.

Seeing another struggle for something and stepping in to help them can be noble, but not if it causes them to remain weak and helpless while we take responsibility and glory for finishing a job on their behalf. We can only develop strength by being allowed to build muscle and such growth does not accrue overnight. It takes trial and error, work and dedication to build the internal character that can see us standing strong when faced with adversity.

Someone who has been kept dependent because another wanted to relieve them of their struggle may not have been helped at all. If we leave a person to handle their own affairs in their own way, we are respecting their boundaries.

There may be grey areas in your life where another person takes the heavy load for you. True grit emanates from internal virtues that we only get to develop for ourselves. Fortitude, perseverance, assertiveness, or a decision that brings challenges, are all examples of areas where we must take the full risk ourselves. If we are leaning on someone else for these attributes then we are contributing to our own weakness and inviting others to invade our boundaries.

Filling gaps for others can blind us to taking care of our own life and responsibility. We may want to look at why we choose to suffer in this way. Even though it appears to be a symbol of martyrdom or even true love and gives us great pleasure, it can be a form of theft. It can also become a pattern that is hard to break. Building esteem from the gaps or weakness of others means we are not respecting their boundaries.

Give other people room to be themselves, no matter how hard it is to watch them go through their own experiences. We are all at different stages of consciousness.

Karen Cohen     © Copyright 2010


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